Rules about Cell phones and computers
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1.You cannot have a cell phone until you can pay the monthly fee
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2.You cannot have a facebook account until you are _________years old, and one parent has to be friended
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3.You must get on line in the family room, not in your own room
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4.The websites you visit must follow the same standards as movies and T.V.
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5.You may not text or get on line before or during homework
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6.You must limit computer time to one hour (not including homework)
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7.Work out a daily schedule so each person gets equal access
The teen years are our last chance to instill our values and help our children become responsible and self controlled adults as they head off to college or start living on their own. As much as we may want to make them do things our way after they are in college, the truth is that we are not around, so we can’t make them do things--they have to be sold on our values so they make the right choices themselves. So that is our job as parents as we steer our children through these last few years at home--to teach them why we do the things we do and the way we do them. Rules and consequences are just in place to help them make the right choices while they don’t have the will power on their own, and to supplement their short life experiences with our knowledge from having had longer ones. They are much more likely to follow our rules if they get a good explanation and reasoning behind the rules, and if they feel that they have some say in what the rules and consequences are. But just because you listen to their requests and petitions, does not mean that you have to do everything they ask--you are the parent with the knowledge and the God given authority. If you do not hold firm in the midst of their temper tantrums, how can you expect them to stay firm in the face of peer pressure?
The teen years are also a time for us to begin letting go--a gradual turning over of the controls of their lives to them. Each year give them new privileges and responsibilities and fewer rules. If they do well, they can move on to the next level. If they don’t do well, drop them back a level or two with fewer privileges and more rules--if they act like a child, they get treated like a child. If they act like an adult, they get treated like an adult.
Rules about going out and Dating
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1.Be home on time (set time)
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2.Call your parents if you are going to be late or want to go someplace else
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3.Ask permission before going anywhere
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4.Never go to_______________________
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5.You may not begin dating until age___
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6.When you do begin dating, you may not have physical contact (kissing, hand holding, hugging, sex)
Rules about T.V., movies, and video games
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1.Do not spend more than1 hour per day using these
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2.Only watch approved T.V. shows
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3.Turn off the show if it gets violent or has sexual content
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4.Get permission before watching a movie, even if you are at a friend’s house
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5.Do not play violent video games, even at a friend’s house
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6.Do not watch T.V. until homework is done (I did not actually use this rule because my kids always got their homework done in time, without my having to tell them to. So right after school, they usually spent some time goofing off to restore their energy before they hit the books.
Parenting > Discipline > Sample Rules for Teenagers
Parenting > Discipline > Sample Rules for Teenagers
When teens have an area that they particularly have a hard time following the rules on, a contract may be beneficial. Hammer out the details together, including the consequences and dates if appropriate. Write it out, or type it on the computer and print it out and have your teen sign it. Then if they break the rule, they know what is coming. Just don’t ignore it if they break the rule, or they will ignore the rule!
Rules about Chores
By the time our kids were in high school, they were so used to keeping up with responsibilities, that it was just a way of life--they didn’t need specific rules. If you are late in teaching your kids these kinds of responsibilities, check the “sample rules for middle school” page for suggested rules. Also, our children went to a very demanding school, and were involved in a lot of extra curricular activities, so I decreased what was required around the house from what they had done when they were younger.
If you want more parenting advice, but prefer to watch a show rather than reading a book, try to find one of these options on line. “The Politically Incorrect Parenting Show.” Nigel Latta gives practical advice in typical irreverent New Zealand style. The show is funny, but at the same time, very down to earth, and brutally honest (like admitting how angry he can sometimes feel as a parent).
Another good T.V. show is called “The World’s Strictest Parents.” There are Australian, U.K., and U.S. segments. In each segment, two troubled teens are taken to a home where surrogate parents set firm rules and unpleasant consequences, What is astounding to me, is that within one week these tough teens’ attitudes completely change!! Each set of surrogate parent has their own tough consequences--shoveling horse manure, sawing off tree stumps at 2 inch intervals, or soccer training, etc. Unlike the title, these parents are not overly strict, and manage to connect with the teens on an emotional level. The key is that they carry out set consequences every time the teens break a rule until the teens decide it is not worth breaking the rules. Very impressive!
A show called “If You Really Knew Me” documents teams going into American high schools for a “Challenge Day.” They help the teens learn to be kind to one another instead of bullying and treating each other with cruelty. It is astonishing what they are able to accomplish in 2 days!