Discipline for elementary aged children is more of a maintenance mode if you have trained them well to this point. You can spend your time teaching them new life skills and give them ever expanding responsibilities to match those new skills.
However, if you are just now beginning to make rules, you have a big battle ahead. Even so, it is totally doable and well, well worth the effort to help your children listen to you at this age. Resolve to teach your children to follow your instructions, no matter how hard it gets, or you may be unable to help them listen when they are in middle school or high school--a truly frightening thought! It is not too late--you can do it!! The key is to make good rules, then have stiff consequences that make your child realize that it is not worth it to break those rules. Your child will fight it tooth and nail, so it will seem like it is getting worse, and you will be tempted to give up, but DON’T!! If you stand firm, you will prevail, and your child will learn to listen, but not if you quit before you reach that point.
Consequences that are Too Harsh
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1.Do chores for an hour
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2.Can’t go out for a week
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3.No friends come over for a month
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4.No friends come over for a month
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5.Time out for an hour
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6.Kick or bite to show what it feels like
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7.Throw away all the toys
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8.No T.V. for a week or month for a minor infraction
Consequences that are about right for a broken rule
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1.Not home on time --can’t go out the next day
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2.Didn’t call parents when late or went someplace else--can’t go out next day
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3.Didn’t ask permission before going somewhere--can’t go out next day
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4.Went place not allowed to go --can’t go out for a week (more serious infraction requires more severe consequence. Anytime they do something behind your back, nip it in the bud with something a little bit stricter than usual )
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5.Disobey parents--10 minute time out
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6.Hurt other people (kick, hit, bite, etc) 10 minute time out plus an extra chore. This is serious and needs stronger punishment.
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7.Hurt people with words (calling names, spreading rumors, saying “I hate you” etc.--10 minute time out plus an extra chore. This is serious and so needs a stronger punishment.
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8.Broke something-- clean up the mess and pay to replace it, or pay for a portion if the price is too high, but pay a big enough portion that it makes them not do it again
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9.Didn’t stop an annoying activity--10 minute time out
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10.Didn’t ask for permission before borrowing something
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11.Stole something--return item and do a chore or pay to replace it
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12.Lied--10 minute time out plus an extra chore. This is serious and so needs a stronger punishment.
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13.Talked back to parent --10 minute time out
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14.Skipped daily chore--do chore plus an extra chore
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15.Skipped weekly chore --do chore plus an extra chore
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16.Failed to clean up after self in the common living spaces (bathroom, living room, foyer, car, yard) pay 10 cents per item per day (it can add up fast!) Up the price if that doesn’t work.
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17.Failed to clean up after meals --do an extra chore
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18.Failed to clean your room daily (make bed, put away toys, dirty clothes in hamper) --do an extra chore
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19.Failed to clean your room weekly (vac, dust, change sheets, take trash, etc) --do an extra chore
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20.Failed to do homework--lose T.V. watching time for a day
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21.Spent more than time allowed for watching T.V. or video game --lose T.V. watching time/video game for a day
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22.Watched unapproved T.V. show --lose T.V. watching time for a day
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23.Failed to turn off the show when it got violent or had sexual content --lose T.V. watching time for a day
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24.Failed to get permission before watching a movie when at a friend’s house --lose T.V. watching time for a week (more serious infraction requires more severe consequence. Anytime they do something behind your back, nip it in the bud with something a little bit stricter than usual )
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25.Watched T.V. before homework was done --lose T.V. watching time for a day
A cautionary tale
If you want to see what it is like to live in a family without rules and with totally out of control children, watch Super Nanny! It is truly astounding at how bad children can get without rules and consequences!!
When she visits a problem home, the first thing she does is to make a list of rules and post them on the wall. The next thing she does is to put in place consequences for broken rules--usually a time out. The third thing she often does is to help the family have fun together--play games, etc. They are so stressed out from living an unpleasant life together that they don’t even know how to have fun together!
Too Harsh
Too Lenient
Just Right
Parenting > Discipline > Sample Consequences for Elementary Aged Children
Parenting > Discipline > Sample Consequences for Elementary Aged Children
Consequences that are Too Lenient
The main problem with “too lenient” is not so much that the consequences are so light that the children don’t bother to listen, but more often it is the case that the parents respond to broken rules with words rather than action. No matter how dire the threats are, unless they are followed through with action, nobody moves an inch. Parents say things like:
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1.“Don’t make me say it again.”
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2.“How many times have I told you...”
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3.“Don’t let it happen again.”
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4.“If you don’t do it, I’m going to...”
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5.“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times...”
Your children are good students of you. They know just what decibel level your voice reaches before they have to start moving in order to avoid a confrontation. To borrow from the saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words,” here is a new phrase: A consequence is worth a thousand words!
