sample rules for middle schoolers/ pre-teens

Rules About Cell Phones and Computers

1.You cannot have a cell phone until you can pay the monthly fee
2.You cannot have a facebook account until you are _________years old and one parent is friended
3.You must get on line in the family room
4.The websites you visit must follow the same standards as movies and T.V.
5.You may not text or get on line before or during homework
6.You must limit computer time to one hour (not including homework)
7.Work out a daily schedule so each person gets equal access

Your middle schooler is just beginning to take the first steps toward adulthood. These are the most important years to teach and train them so they can make wise choices on their own as young adults. It is much easier to set forth rules and timelines and their explanations early on, before they begin to have an interest in the subject, than to wait until they have already begun experiencing these things. For example, it is a lot easier to lay out rules and beginning age for dating while they still can’t imagine why anyone would want to kiss, than to make the same rules after they have already begun dating and kissing. If you wait, you are setting yourself up for a lot of battles that you could have avoided if you had made the rules when they were younger--that way everyone knows what is expected ahead of time.

Making rules early also creates a chance for you to have some discussions with your children about important topics such as sex and why it is important to wait until after marriage to begin sexual activity. Again, it’s a topic that is much easier to discuss before they begin than after! Don’t make the mistake of thinking they won’t have sex if they don’t know about it because you haven’t told them...they will find out about it! It so much better to learn the truth from you, than than to hear misconceptions from friends and magazines and movies!

Rules and consequences are the teeth that make sure your children abide by your values in the face of peer pressure, their own desires and lack of will power, and a lack of life knowledge about things, such as what people are really like. Some parents shy away from rules and consequences--some do it because they don’t like conflict, others do it because they mistakenly think their children won’t love them if they do, and others avoid rules simply because their children demand it. In reality, they are capitulating their parental authority and allowing their children to make decisions that they are not mature enough to make on their own. A man giving a parenting seminar once asked 3 middle school girls sitting on the front row if they would like it if their parents and teachers stopped telling them to do their homework. They all shook their heads no. When asked why, the answer was, “If they don’t make us do it, we won’t--we will play games all day, and then we wouldn’t be ready for life.” Children need limits, and they need parents to make sure they abide by those limits, no matter how grown up they may look or think they are.

There are so many things that you need to teach your children before they go off to college or live on their own, that you really do need to start right away. It seems like there is all the time in the world, but really, the time you have left is very short. And once they hit high school, they get even busier, so there is even less time to teach them things then. Make use of summer vacation, Christmas break, and weekends to get in the teaching time and the practice time--telling them once is not enough!!

Assigning chores in the home is one of the best ways to make your child a responsible, self controlled, thoughtful, helpful adult. No, children do not just naturally become these things when they become adults. They become this kind of person because you spend many, many hours investing in them--making rules, making sure the rules are followed, teaching them how to do new skills, then modeling it for them, then doing it with them, then making sure they do it on their own, and that they do it well. Kids will cut as many corners as they can get away with, so don’t let them get away with any!

Rules About Going Places and Dating

1.Be home on time (set time)
2.Call your parents if you are going to be late or want to go someplace else
3.Ask permission before going anywhere
4.Never go to_______________________
5.You may not begin dating until age___
6.When you do begin dating, you may not have physical contact (kissing, hand holding, hugging, sex)

Rules About T.V., Movies, and Video Games

1.Do not spend more than 1 hour per day using these
2.Only watch approved T.V. shows
3.Turn off the show if it gets violent or has sexual content
4.Get permission before watching a movie, even if you are at a friend’s house
5.Do not play violent video games, even at a friend’s house
6.Do not watch T.V. or play video game until homework is done

What Should I Do If I am Just Now Beginning to Making Rules for my Children? Is it too Late?

It is not too late, but it will definitely be a lot of hard work. You can expect a LOT of BIG fights because they will not like giving up the autonomy and freedom that they have enjoyed for so long!! But if you stand your ground and require consequences that the kids DON’T like, you can reform them. But be for warned--it will get a LOT worse before it gets better!! It will be worth it in the end, but it will be REALLY hard until they stop fighting it and begin to obey. You must be strong, and show tough love, or it will not work. Let me encourage you to find a mentor--a mother or father of grown children who has already been through this turbulence and survived. This person can give you encouragement, and tips on what to do.

Rules for home responsibilities

1.Do your daily chores by_____
2.Do your weekly chores by____
3.Clean up after yourself in the common living spaces (bathroom, living room, foyer, car, yard)
4.Help clean up after meals
5.Clean your room daily (make bed, put away toys, dirty clothes in hamper)
6.Clean your room weekly (vac, dust, change sheets, take trash, etc)
7.Do your homework
8.Personal Hygiene (if they don’t already automatically brush their teeth, take a bath, etc. posting a check list may help)